The lesson today

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i did it today. out of all days, this one seemed right. a lot of different factors converging into one moment of inspiration, decision, spontaneous action.


freedom, no limitations of preparation. no sticking to routine.

i’m aware sustained spontaneity in itself is impossible and will turn into monotonous unreadiness in the long run. laziness and lack of organisation result in sameness of action. individual decisions, however spontaneous, are always based on the same characteristics,  same traits of personality, same habits, same mannerisms, same customs, same bringing up.

still, if to be spontaneous and free results in sameness, i rather choose this than the constraints of meticulous preparation.

what happened today was a culmination of a series of personal revelations and the realisation that all important memories are formed by form, not content.

miles davis said that. it’s all about form.

he was so very right.

it’s feeling that lasts, not fact. it’s manner that inspires, not logic. function is language without heart. how many different ways can you say ‘yes’ and change the meaning completely.

how many feelings can a word express.

how many times silence spoke louder than grammar.

there is to be direct link between person and point. feeling and face. word and warmth.

if a situation creates an emotional reaction, its memory lasts.

how many grammatically correct words are in my best memories?

to become one with word is to fulfill its function. no space for doubt. no explanation.

just feeling.

so what happened was this. all was good. i did things that made me present. dialogues, realisations, reflections. music. nathan fakes the sky was pink, the elation and elevation to the level of the ground.

we keep the treasure within. guard it, measure it. judge it.

we make the price.

so we sat in a circle, did what a warm up does. warmed up. soon, the ideas, questions, curiosity and excitement was in everything. every word charged with its current, giving extra boost to meaning, feeling.

still not sure if i should mention my students by name, as this is all so very abstract and highly subjective.

in any case, it was thanks to those who feel that it all worked. the AA thursday. the proof that what really matters is people, us. and so minutes and the full hour seemed to fly by, while we remained in the circle, wired to one another, impossible to move, impossible to break free, excited to be inside.

then, in the afternoon, with four, the tv, the programming techniques, the vocabulary and reading.. that was good too. wonderful indeed.

and above all that, the spring was in the air..


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